I'm actually starting this on January 28th. In one month- we will be celebrating EIGHT years in this house. I was looking for a picture tonight. I thought it might be in the blog, but it is not. What I did find, was God working in our lives. I think this blog post might be a long one. This is your final warning ⚠️!
We always try to plan, and God laughs. I've heard that many times, over the years, and this year is no different. My journey with Jesus started as a child, I remember different church activities from a very young age, VBS, songs, Sunday school, Bible studies and much more. I will continue to give the date of Sept 1983 as my first public "walk" with the Lord. It was an event in a hot high school auditorium. I have attended many churches, studied with couples, singles, friends and women all through the years. I also have battled depression for over 40 years of my life. I have been asked, "how can you be depressed and a Christian?" "Do you not feel, touch, understand the JOY, in the life with Jesus?" My answer seemed to be the same through the years, I'm a Christian and I'm depressed ( life on the Rollercoaster). And, nope I can't feel, see, or understand why I can't have the JOY from Jesus.
Let me stop a minute, less than a month after my last blog post, my sweet Momma joined Jesus in heaven. My sister, Jamie and nephew, Dean, helped her with that journey. Thank you both. We did make a trip to see our family that summer. July 2021 was hard, different, sad, happy, amazing, gut-wrenching, loving, memories of family history shared with most our family and an amazing Celebration of Life for Momma. September of 2021, on Momma's birthday, Mer- her baby sister joined her in heaven. Losing two strong women of our family was hard on all of us. We have all grieved differently and that is ok. Living far from most the family, has continued to be hard. My relationship with all my children has changed and grown.
Back to us, Jesse and I settled back into our routine here at the house, purging and organizing has continued. My helper, Kim, started in January of 2022. Which has been an amazing blessing as she has helped us with so much.
June 4th, 2022-Tammy and I made a trip to Miller's, an amish syore off rt. 104. I overcame some "silly" fears, said goodbye to a past relationship, and shed some tears- this was a first trip for her, without her Momma. Carol passed away surrounded by her husband and children in March. I didn't know the impact of that day till much later- actually recently ( Jan 2023).
June 5th- my 52nd Birthday was hard!! I was lonely for my family, my kids, my granddaughters. Jesse and I were here at home. I had a long conversation with God, asked a friend if she had time for a call, and we talked for quite a while. I told her, "something has to change, it was too heavy to keep carrying it all, I was tired, I was confused, and I was overwhelmed." I wasn't looking for a way out of life- but a way to live. I was so tired of being "consumed", wrapped in, and drug down by depression. Yes I had good days, weeks, and sometimes months, but depression was part of my identity. When life was hard, my bedroom was my hiding place, and I used my mitochondrial disease as an excuse for being in bed. Yes, mitochondrial disease has caused many "crash" days and it effects different people differently, please don't twist my words. ( more on that another time- just saying I used it as an excuse to hide how depressed I really was). Yes, God never let go of me, and many times he left the 99 coming after me, so my journey with Him was still there but so was depression. So, how did this phone call with a friend end?? I asked her, her advice. She said, "Do it!". Do what?? Huh?? Do it! Do get up! Do take a shower. Do the dishes. Etc, you get the picture. So I went to bed, with so many thoughts swirling in my head. I knew that night, life had changed, I couldn't explain why.
June 6th used to have a different meaning in my life, but Jesus replaced the meaning with the first full day of an "awakening " personal journey. I was intentional to Do it! I made lists, and did them. I felt that life looked differently. I found a box of inspirational cards that had floated around the house, and I started sharing them daily on Facebook, I started taking daily selfie. In August, I added a box of scripture cards daily. The changes in my life, the way I looked at life, and the way I shared, seemed to be all over the place but I continued to improve daily. I started really looking in the mirror, and I started liking what I saw. My mind was shifting. In September Jesse started high school and he has struggled with school and his health (2 surgeries over the summer), so 9th grade has been hard. I loved sharing my new found "joy", and continued to grow in so many areas of my life. In October, a dear friend was killed, it was a community tragedy. It rocked my world. It brought back so much grief of my family members, my Momma, Mer, Tammy's Mom, and also of my past life. A past life I was still dragging along with me. I had to let it go. I had to say good-bye. I held onto the good stuff and turned my back on the bad. (Like the scab you continue to pick off, I was reopening the healing wounds). With Christmas, came the storm of the generation. The Blizzard of Christmas 22, with hurricane force winds, dumping massive amounts of snow all over WNY- shutting down the area worse than Covid! The house and property had very little damage, a few larger branches, a side outside light, and the mailbox. We were "blessed".
